A stunning bit of news was recently published by the L’Esprit de L’Escalier Academie in Toulouse, France. Clinical trials appear to indicate that pizzas topped with anchovies and pineapple actually reduce abdominal fat in males. “We believe that the unusual choice of toppings has kept this from being discovered sooner”, says Henri Graisse. “Nobody in their right mind would order a pizza like this, so to only discover the benefits of this now isn’t too very surprising.”
What is surprising, however, is that pizza–a food long associated with weight gain and adolescent over-consumption–could be found to reduce weight in those that consume it. Graisse continues, “It’s remarkable that these particular ingredients appear to target the size of fat cells in the abdominal region. It is unlike any supplement or nutrient combination known to science thus far.”
Graisse refuses to divulge how the initial discovery was made, but went on to provide the results of controlled study data that was published last month in the Journal Française de Vérités Manufacturées. In a double-blind study involving Call of Duty all-nighters and rugby players, those that consumed the pineapple and anchovy pizzas were found to see a 22% reduction in their waistline measurements, and an astonishing 27% reduction in body fat over the obliques and abdomen using caliper measurements. “My abs are totally ripped now! I have a six pack!”, observed one of the test participants.
Furthermore, adds Graisse, there are early indications that this unusual selection of pizza toppings may also provide an increase in libido, although this may only be related to the general excitement and boost in self-esteem upon suddenly finding oneself with washboard abs.
So, if your local pizzeria suddenly experiences a shortage of pineapple and anchovies, we think we know why. Enjoy your new favorite pizza and remember what Bill Murray said: “Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”